Pie of Death
by Rose Starre
Summary: It's Friendship Day in the WWE and everyone has to get a gift for someone else. Kane has to get something for Daniel Bryan, but things don't go so well. Please note that this is modeled after a SpongeBob episode.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**PS: This is made on behalf of the SpongeBob episode: Dying for Pie.**

"Come on; get in the spirit, Kane!" Kofi Kingston said.

Kane groaned. He hated this day, but it rolled around every year. No, not Christmas, but Friendship Day. The day, appointed by Vince, for everyone to get some form of a gift for someone else. Plus, Vince assigned people so no one would get a gift for someone that already had one or for someone to be left out. And Kane got assigned to Daniel Bryan, of all people.

"Kane," Vince asked, walking over, "Where's your gift?"

"In that trash can over there," Kane answered, pointing at a burning trash can, "Burning."

"I mean your gift for Daniel," Vince said.

"I didn't get him one." Kane replied.

"Didn't get him one?" Vince roared. "You had better get him one! Or YOU'RE FIRED!"

Kane put his hands up in defeat. "Alright, I'll get him something," he growled, marching out the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey! Careful with that pie! It's explosive, you know!" someone bellowed.

Kane looked down the alley the yelling came from. He'd heard the word "explosive" and was intrigued. "How much for a pie?" he called.

"A pie?" A man down the alley peered at Kane. "Why would you want to buy one of our pies?"

"I need a gift for a friend," Kane explained. "I'm sure he'd like one of your pies."

"Oh, uh…" the man stammered, "Okay. That'll be five bucks."

Handing the money to the man, Kane reached for a pie. "Thank you," he said curtly. He walked back down the street towards the place where the party was being held.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Here," Kane growled, shoving the pie towards Daniel.

"Cool! You got me a pie!" Daniel cried joyously. "Thanks, Kane!"

Kane strode off and came across Vince. "I got him a gift," he said.

"What did you get him?" Vince asked.

"An explosive pie," Kane answered casually. "Wait! I meant…!" he tried to take back what he'd accidently said.

"An _explosive_ pie?!" Vince cried. "Kane! What were you thinking?!" He pointed at Daniel, who was innocently chatting away with Chris Jericho. "Look at the poor boy! He'll probably be dead in eight hours! And it's all your fault!"

"I'll make it up to him," Kane promised. "I swear."

"You had better," Vince growled, "And if you don't, YOU'RE FIRED!"

"Should I tell him?" Kane asked.

"No," Vince answered, "Don't make his day any worse than you already did. You need to give him the happiest day he's ever had. He well deserves to enjoy his last hours on this Earth."

"Don't you worry, boss," Kane said, grinning deviously, "There'll be so much happiness in that little goat brain of his; he'll explode."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kane strolled over to Daniel. "Hey, buddy," he said, mustering all the cheerfulness he possibly could. "I wanted to know what the most fun thing you can think of is."

"I've been waiting for you to ask!" Daniel exclaimed merrily. He handed Kane a list. "Everything that I think is extra fun is written in red," he added.

"The whole list is written in red," Kane pointed out.

"Exactly!" Daniel laughed.

"Well," Kane said, looking the list over, "we'd better get started before you die." Due to the odd look Daniel was giving him, Kane quickly added, "Of anticipation."

"Right!" Daniel cried, "Let's go!" On the way out, Daniel waved to Vince. "Bye, Vince!" he called. Vince turned away sadly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Once outside, Daniel pointed to the list. "The first thing I wanted to do was show my best friend, Kane, to everyone in town," he explained.

Daniel strode over to a random person on the street. "Hi! This is my best friend, Kane!"

"Awesome! Can I get your autograph?" the person asked, holding out a pen and pad of paper.

"Sure," Kane mumbled, signing the paper.

Daniel hurried over to the local park. "Hey, kids!" he called, "Check it out! This is my best friend, Kane!" One particularly troublesome kid threw a rock at Kane.

Kane growled and was about to rush at the kid, when Daniel dragged him off. "You're lucky I can't get to you, kid!" Kane bellowed. "You'd be dead!" The child burst into tears.

Dragging Kane, Daniel walked over to a bench. Undertaker, who was sitting there, looked up, surprised to see his half-brother and Daniel Bryan standing there. "What do you want?" he asked.

"Hi, I just wanted to show you my best friend, Kane," Daniel explained.

"Hey, 'Taker," Kane said, waving. Undertaker waved back, confused.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Glad that's over," Kane muttered. "What's next?"

"Let's see…" Daniel mumbled, reading over the list. "Aha! 'Show best friend to everyone in town wearing a salmon suit.'"

"Two questions," Kane said, "One: Where on Earth did you get a salmon suit? Two: Why on Earth would you wear one?"

"Very funny, Kane," Daniel laughed.

Two minutes later, Kane was fuming inside a salmon suit, getting pelted with rocks. The kids at the park were following the example of the first one.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What now?" Kane asked, rubbing his multiple bruises.

"Knock-Knock jokes!" Daniel exclaimed. "Knock, knock…"

"Who's there?" Kane grumbled.

"Me!" Daniel laughed, flinging his arms wide. Kane rolled his eyes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Several bad knock-knock jokes later, Kane was walking down the street, backwards. "Look out everybody! Friends in reverse!" Daniel cried, imitating the beep of a back-up alarm.

"Wow," CM Punk muttered to himself, watching from across the street. "I thought _I_ did the worst moon-walk ever."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Next?" Kane asked, suffering a damaged reputation.

Daniel grinned and pulled a random surgeon's mask over his face. "Open-heart surgery!" he exclaimed, pulling a scalpel out of his pocket.

"Where'd you get that?" Kane asked, eyeing the scalpel. "I'm not letting you near me with that thing."

"I don't think you're supposed to be poking it like that," Kane said over the beeping of the heart monitor, looking down at the heart of a random citizen.

"Of course I'm supposed to be doing this," Daniel chuckled, poking the poor citizen's heart with the scalpel. "Besides, you're not the doctor here." A thin stream of blood shot up, spattering the surgeon's mask. "Yep," Daniel muttered, "That's normal." Kane backed slowly away from the operation table.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, the last thing on the list is…" Daniel said, pausing for effect.

"Please don't be more surgery," Kane pleaded, "_Please!_"

"Watch the sunset with Kane," Daniel finished.

"The sunset?" Kane muttered. _Eight hours,_ he thought, _Vince said that about seven and a half hours ago. The sunset is due half an hour from now. That means… Daniel will be gone with the sun._ He took Daniel by the arm. "If it's a sunset you want," he said resolutely, "Then it's a sunset you'll get!"

"Ah…" Daniel sighed. "Sunsets sure are beautiful, aren't they Kane?"

"They sure are," Kane answered, watching the sun sink lower towards the horizon.

"Yeah," Daniel sighed again, "It's just you, me, and this abandoned building you seem to like so much."

"I guess it is," Kane said, staring out the window of the abandoned building he was sheltering in. His voice carried through the broken window at his side.

"You know, if I were to die, right now, in a fiery explosion due to the carelessness of a friend," Daniel said casually, "That would just be okay."

"I hope it is…" Kane muttered.

"Did you say something?" Daniel asked. Kane shook his head. "Oh! Here it is, Kane!" Daniel cried. "I like to count it down. Here, I'll start: Five! You do the rest, buddy!"

"Four," Kane said, watching the sun intently, "Three, two, one." He cringed away from the window, awaiting the explosion. None came.

"Hmmm…" Daniel mumbled, "I guess we started too early. Let's try again!"

"Five, four, three, two, one…" Kane counted again. At that moment, the wall between him and Daniel shattered into several thousand pieces of brick. Kane dug himself out. "At least I made the last few hours of his life memorable," he murmured.

Suddenly, the ceiling of the building fell in on top of Kane. "What the…?" he cried, digging himself out a second time.

"Watch where you're swinging that thing!" Daniel cried, shaking his fist at the wrecking ball demolishing the building. "My friend's in there!"

Kane growled something unintelligible. "Kane," Daniel scolded, "We already played 'Babble like an Idiot', remember?"

"Why are you still here?" Kane snarled. "You were supposed to explode!"

"Explode?" Daniel asked, confused.

"Yes!" Kane snapped.

"Okay… I'll try," Daniel murmured. "NO! NO! NO!" he yelled.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" Kane roared.

"Ooh… Good one," Daniel cooed, clapping.

"You were supposed to explode into a million goat-faced pieces!" Kane bellowed. Daniel looked confused. "The pie!" Kane cried, "The pie was a bomb!"

"Oh," Daniel said, pulling a pie from his pocket. "_This_ pie! I was saving it for us to share!"

Kane blinked at him. "Really? How big are your pockets?"

"Bigger than they look," Daniel said matter-of-factly. He stepped forward to hand the pie to Kane, but tripped over a brick.

The pie flew through the air and landed on Kane. The Big Red Monster braced himself for an explosion, but none came. Instead, juice and chunks of fruit slowly slid down his face. Tasting it, he found that it wasn't a cleverly disguised explosive, but cherries. "Cherries?" he mumbled.

"Yeah, forgot to mention…" The man who had sold Kane the pie was walking by. "Those pies weren't really explosive, I was just telling the delivery guy that so he wouldn't drop them!" The man laughed and strolled away.

Kane growled angrily. "Kane?" Daniel asked, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, Daniel," Kane growled, "Just leave me and my damaged reputation in peace." Daniel shrugged and left Kane to seethe in the rubble alone.

_**Fin**_

_That was a lot of fun to write! Here's the cast for those who were wondering:_

_Daniel Bryan - SpongeBob SquarePants_

_Kane - Squidward Tentacles_

_Pie Salesman - Pirate Guy_

_Delivery Guy - Other Pirate Guy_

_Vince McMahon - Mr. Krabs_

_Undertaker - Frank_

_Kofi Kingston - No One in Particular_


End file.
